I know i’m not the only one here suffering, everyone wants to go home. I am floundering. I am weak, I am weaker than everyone else. I am miserable and breaking down. I can’t sleep, i’m anxious. It’s a struggle to function, and I don’t want to do anything. I want to do everything to distract myself at the same time. Sleeping pills aren’t working for me, i’m exhuasted physically but instead of sleeping I lay in my bed and compound all of my anxieties. I have no energy for the gym. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I’m tired of getting my hopes up only for them to be crushed an hour later. I’m being a big fucking baby, I know it and can’t do a damn thing about it.
Shopping for my house makes me happyyyyy. Now if I COULD COME HOME and move in that would be absolutely fantastic. I’m ready to settle down in my house with my puppy and get on with life. I’d greatly appreciate if the AF would stop throwing monkey wrenches in my plans.
I want to go home so bad that I can taste it. (In case you were wondering it tastes like blood, sweat and tears mixed with sand. Tons upon tons of sand.) I want to see a “Welcome to Arkansas” or “Welcome to Texas” sign so bad that I just might kiss it when I do. As gross and disgusting as they are, I can’t effing wait. They are at least getting hugged. There are so many things I miss and so many things can’t wait to do when I get home. So many people I miss and can’t wait to see. So many new things I can’t wait to experience. Some shitty things that I’m not looking forward to but know are in enevitable, I’m ready for it all. TAKE ME HOME.
I think this is my earliest memory, I was playing in the dirt around the backstop at one of my dads softball games. I remember seeing the fence in front of me and lights over head. I may have been two at the time.